Saturday, June 18, 2011

Emotional rollercoaster

We got word that they changed the date of the transplant to July 18.  So many things have been going through my head lately. Don't get me wrong-I am so happy that Keegan is getting his new kidney from his daddy but I am also nervous and scared that two of the most important people in my life will be having surgery.  God has carried our family through so many ups and downs in the last four years and I am so grateful to have his healing hands on my son.  I find myself crying even when I start thinking about it. Joe and I went on a lunch date today and in the middle of it, I started crying!! I have so many thoughts going through my mind that I cannot even get a good night's sleep and when I finally do settle, the sun is coming up.  When we were first starting dialysis, I thought the moment that transplant time was near, I would be shouting it from the rooftops and be so ecstatic but that's the total opposite of my feelings.  I guess I have gotten so comfortable with dialysis and "our way of life" that the unknown scares the daylights out of me.  I am so grateful for the blog of "Champions of Renal Warriors" with moms of kids who have either been transplanted or in the process.  It has been an amazing support system.  Many of my friends and coworkers try to understand our situation but this blog is full of moms who "live my life" every single day and can relate to my feelings of uncertainty and mixed emotions.  For these moms, I am eternally grateful.  Their stories have been so inspiring especially the little guy who celebrated his 14th kidney anniversary yesterday.  What an inspiration!!!

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